Obviously, this book is dumb fun. It began as a joke and continues to be one, but the first Sex Bear had enough response it warranted a return. If you’re looking for the id run wild, for a quick pep in your step, and a laughable distraction as you march into the daily routine of survival, this book may be for you. You can find it right here. If you’d like to read the first, you can find it right here for only 99 cents (or free on Kindle Unlimited). And just like the first book, this one is full of ridiculous pictures. So there’s that.
Ready for a quick sample? Here we go!
“As I was riding hard on a sandy road street through the Wasted Dessert Lands my heart became heavy with feelings of sadness and shit. All the horror was getting to me and I really needed to fuck a gentlemen’s chocolate pocket so hard. I pulled to the side of the road and wandered into the dessert sands, scream-weeping and rage dancing my frustrations.
“I want some goddamn dick in my mouth!” I cried to the heavens.
I fell to my knees, hoping the sky clouds would drop angel dongs into my upstair’s mouth. Butt nothing came. I collapsed, my big bear head lying in the sand, and cried booger tears onto the uncaring shithead earth.
A worm popped up for the moisture and I tried to suck him like a tiny wiener but I sucked too hard and he flew down my throat. I got so mad, I barfed him up and then beat him to death.
It only made feel worse.
I was the Ultimate Gayness. These feelings of super sadness made me feel really sad and it threatened to tear my bear-man-quantum computer heart out. I even had brief glimpses of turning to the dark side and I feared I might become the dreaded were-bear and not the carebear I was so chosen to be.
I felt rain drops on my fur.
A pitter-patter of kisses from heaven land.
Looking up, I saw clouds forming above me. They began to swirl like a whirlpool of bleached buttholes and the sight, the power of it, made my noodle-pecker-wang swell with cum-blood. I was getting hard as fuck but I was still sad so I cried on my penis.
Just then lightning struck ahead of me.
And then off to my side.
“Go ahead, you big dumb god douche! Strike me down! This bear does not care except for the fair Javier!”
The lightning went super-crazy-time like a strobe light at a sweet rave party. It exploded a bush next to me, blinding me momentarily. As I regained my sight-vision, I began firing my machine guns into the sky but lo! A face began forming in the clouds. A super handsome face of a distinguished gentlemen who possibly belonged to a league of gentlemen. I didn’t want to shoot those kind of loads on such a knightly face, so I laid my arm-bangers to rest and looked on with wondrous wonder.
The face, now fully formed, lightning sprouting from it like one of those glass wizard balls at Spencer’s, looked down upon me and my hotdog rocket shot up real hard like a mighty redwood.
“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM, SCHEX BEAR?”
“Oh my god! You’re Indiana Jones’ dad!”
“YESH, WELL SCHORT OF-NO. NEVERMIND. WHO I AM DOESHN’T MATTER. WHO YOU ARE…THAT ISH WHAT TRULY MATTERSH.”
“That’s fucking deep, bangable sky wizard!””